we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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