my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
