are you still at the devil's house?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
