There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
