he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
