he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
