the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
