If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
