He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
