my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
