guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
