This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a search helicopter?!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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