The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
