i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
