summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
