Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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