OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
