Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Kiss
Puke
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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