that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
