I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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