I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize