yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
