upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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