I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
