I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
