Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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