It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
