Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
