And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
