Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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