i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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