Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
