i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
