Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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