Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
