a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
