please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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