She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
