Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
