dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
