He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
