I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
