I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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