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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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