Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
