Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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