Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
