So drunk its hurt
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
