Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
