we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
