I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
