I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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