I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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