he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
