so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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