i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
