I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
