Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
