Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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