Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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