I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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