Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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