haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Congratulations! We have a period
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
