My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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