you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
