why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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