Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
